Tuesday, January 25, 2011

12 Days of Gay. . . but No Cigarettes

It’s 12 plus days since I smoked a cigarette.  I’m doing ok, much better than I thought I would do.  I’m using the patch, so I guess I still have total nicotine withdrawal to look forward to.  That won’t be for six weeks or so, as I understand the patch plan.  I feel much better.  I sleep much, much better.  42 years and 5 months of smoking. . .  Could it have ended?  I hope so!

I find I’m doing different things to keep my mind active and off smoking.  I’ve been watching a lot of movies and some stuff on Netflix streaming.  On Netflix, I just finished the original British version of Skins.  The American version is causing a lot of ruckus on MTV.  Sponsors like Subway have withdrawn their support.  All I can say is that I liked the British version very much.  It has drugs, alcohol, and smoking, and lots of sex.  Also lots of drama, romantic and otherwise.  Well worth the 15 hours or so it takes to watch the two seasons available.  I think it’s an honest picture of what it’s like to be a middle class teenager in the UK today.

I also watched some gay movies, one on Netflix, the others on DVDs that I own.  On Netflix, I watched a beautiful movie called CiaoCiao is the story of a guy who dies suddenly in a car accident and leaves behind a best friend who helps take care of the details of his dead friend’s life.  It is an amazing story of friendship and the love people can have for one another that has nothing to do with sex.

Two older gay movies I watched again after many years: Get Real and Beautiful Thing.  Both are stories of teenagers who come out of the closet, and both are British.  I have to say that I used to prefer Beautiful Thing, but now Get Real is my first choice.  Get Real is a little harder-edged and has a less predictable ending; it’s truer to life.  Beautiful Thing is more the story of families’ acceptance of their gay sons than a coming out story per se.  Its ending is more predictable, but it’s still a very good movie.

Then I re-watched Brokeback Mountain.  What a movie!!!  I can’t imagine what straight people think when they watch it.  They must like it enough, judging by its success at the box office. It is such a true and brutal story of gay male love.  One of the things I like most about it is the depiction of affection as rough and intensely physical.  I believe that is so true of a lot of gay male affection, especially between two young men.  Another thing that moves me every time I see the movie is the obvious joy mixed with sorrow that Ennis and Jack have for one another.  Do straight people ever have that mix of feelings?  Probably, in extramarital relationships, but I really can’t imagine their understanding the life-and-death nature of the fear and sorrow that Ennis particularly expresses.

In place of smoking, I’m watching sexy things on Netflix and DVD.  Whatever!  It’s working, so I won’t complain.  Beni is, as usual, very tolerant of my shenanigans and is so supportive of my effort to be free of cigarettes.

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