Thursday, May 26, 2011

Totally F**ked

Justin Rosario is at it again.  This morning, he posted a piece about the right--wing funnymentalists' approach to teenage sex.  You can read his excellent piece at

I had so much to say, I didn't want to burden the site with my reply, so here it is:

Oh, Lordy, J–Man!!!  The topics you choose always make me run for my blood pressure meds.  This morning, I took the whole goddam bottle!

I grew up and lived in Northern Virginia until 6 years ago, when we moved to West Virginia to be near our granddaughter.  In Northern Virginia, we were in an increasingly liberal political and social environment with lots of support for teens who were having trouble with sex.  Information about birth control, as well as birth control supplies, were fairly readily available, thanks to knowledgeable medical practitioners and Planned Parenthood.  For those women who needed and chose it, abortion also was available, and not only from Planned Parenthood.  I am the father of four daughters, Each daughter had lots of girlfriends (friends who were young women).  I have seen more lifetime tragedies averted by birth control and abortion than any gay man ever should have to think about.  Young women from stable homes, from loving two–parent heterosexual marriages, from strict Mormon families (we lived very near a Mormon Stake), from immigrant and devout Asian and Hispanic solid Roman Catholic families—I personally have known young women from all of these backgrounds, as well as those from less stable families, and ALL of them have struggled with sexuality from their early teens.  Young women from all the groups mentioned needed birth control.  Young women from all the groups mentioned had to consider, and many of them chose, abortion.

Your point is well taken, J–Man: kids from the age of nine or ten are sexual beings.  With the good nutrition and excellent medical care available in the U.S., menarche comes earlier and earlier, and so does pregnancy.  Some young women, then, are hormone–driven while still in fourth or fifth grade!  Young men, too, are sexual earlier than ever.  All men remember the seemingly constant unwanted erections that propelled us through our teens.  Those erections, and the need to deal with them, happen earlier in life now than ever.  Fertile young women combined with urgently potent young men: put them together and only a fool would think that sex won’t happen.

I certainly don’t encourage sex at the age of 10 or 11.  Far from it.  But it happens!  It really and truly happens!  Those absolutely delusional religious funnymentalists who believe that hellfire–and–brimstone sermons, whether from the pulpit or from the dinner table, will stop early sex are blind to the reality of biology.  Not only blind, in my opinion, but also suffering from convenient amnesia.  Someone should do a study of the teen–age sexual behavior of funnymentalists.  My strong suspicion, having known quite a few of these people, is that their sexual lives as teenagers were as vibrant and active as any of those teenagers whose access to sex education, birth control, and abortion they now seek to deny.  I participated in a prayer group back in the mid–1970's with six straight fundamentalist couples.  All of them preached abstinence to their children and all of them were anti–abortion.  Two of the couples did educate their children on sexual behavior and birth control, and both provided their sons and daughters with condoms.  The other four couples, however, insisted that their children would remain chaste and asexual until marriage.  The interesting fact is that ALL TWELVE of these coupled people, men and women, were sexually active as teenagers, and two of the couples married before their senior year of high school because the woman was pregnant.  Of the other four couples, two also were pregnant when they married, but they were in their twenties at that point.

So I think you are absolutely right, J–Man: the far–right funnymentalists are hypocrites and control freaks.  Unhappy with their own sexuality and sexual history, they want to impose their delusional beliefs not only on their own children, but on the children of others as well.  If I wouldn’t be violating confidences, I would love to tell the real stories of what I know for a fact has happened to young men and women from these sorts of families.  Unwanted pregnancies, unwanted teen marriages, babies having babies, grandmothers raising grandchildren as their own—thanks to four daughters, and their VERY feminist mother, I have seen it all, and it is so very sad.  So many young people having to start their adult lives way before they are ready.  So many kids crying in our living room because they have no idea how to fix the awful mess they are in.  So many young people coming to our house for information and help they should be getting from their parents.

This battle is one that I will fight gladly.  It’s on a par with the battle for gay rights, gay marriage, gay adoption.  Religious funnymentalists can ruin their own families if they insist, but they cannot be allowed to ruin all families.  Young women and men need to be educated on what their body is doing and how it’s doing it.  They need to know precisely how to prevent pregnancy and sexually–transmitted diseases and they need to have ready access to condoms and all other forms of birth control.  If people believe this is encouraging teen–age sexual activity, so be it.  I could care less.  As a psychologist I know said recently, “Teenagers are going to fuck one another.  Period.  They always have.”  That is the truth.  Adult reaction to that truth can be funnymentalist delusional or it can be maturely concerned for the welfare and the entire future lives of the teenagers whom they love.


  1. Ed, thanks so much for this. Sharing.

  2. A nice adjunct to Justin´s article, Mr Hawkins. You make a great team! Will bookmark this along with J-Man´s stuff and I will be sure to come back to your blog. Thanks.