Friday, January 3, 2014

Friday, 1-3-2014: Being a Geezer By God


The second day of this daily blog.  Will I persevere?  Who knows?
 
It's cold today.  The photo above was taken this morning (not by me!) on the Appalachian Trail near here.  It's beautiful, but, with wind chill factored in, it was 5 degrees at 1:15 this afternoon.  Brrrr!
 
I have posted a video blog for today on YouTube:
 
 
 
If you watch it, you'll see that I ramble.  I talk about retirement, lack of stress, being old, and so on.  What is most important to me among all those words is the delight I feel as I approach my 67th birthday.  I like being a geezer!!!  I like the lack of expectation that I have for myself, and that others have for me.
 
Most of all, I am thankful to God that God has given me this much life.  I am thankful also that God has been my mainstay throughout my life, from the time I was 3 years old and begging my mother to take me to (High) Mass on Sunday.
 
I had a very difficult time with God during the past 20 or so years since I came out as a gay man.  Very, very difficult!  I was angry with God, angry with life. . .  angry.  In the past 2 years, that has changed.  My mother's death in August, 2012, and the three months before that when I took care of her, were major factors in my "forgiving" God.  Going through Mom's dying and death with her was a huge blessing.  She and I talked about death just about every day.  We also talked about life. . .  her life and mine.  All that talking, combined with the experience of her acceptance of her dying and death, changed me.  It gave me perspective and a knowledge that I am loved, by my family and by God.  My return to a vibrant, positive relationship with God is a gift from God given to me through my mother.  It has changed me to my core.  Just ask my wife or any of my kids.  I am not the same person I was even a year ago.  One daughter said to me at Christmas:  "You are so happy now!  What happened?"  I tried to explain, but I doubt that I succeeded.
 
If you are interested - and I cannot imagine for a second that anyone but I would be interested - in how much I have changed, look at some of the posts on this blog from years past.  It's impossible for me to write anything like that kind of stuff today.  I have changed.
 
It's good to be old.  It's good to let myself be open to change.  It's good. . .  period!
 
Love!
 
Ed

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